ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Randomize
