i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
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So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
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I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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