my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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