PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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