So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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