you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
