Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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