Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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