I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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