6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
