I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
