I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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