If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
