were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
