Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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