This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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