2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
