Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
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Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
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I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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