they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
