he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
zippers are such a cool invention
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
