There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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