saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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