Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
