I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
