i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
