Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
