So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
