So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
