I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
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I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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