He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
