I think I died a long time ago.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
