he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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