____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
