Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
