I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize