so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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