Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
there is glitter all over my balls
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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