how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
