____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just want nice things and good sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize