Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
