apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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