An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
