good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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