I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
