I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
