I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
