I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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