The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize