ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I love black thongs
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
