I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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