Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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