I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize