You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
