exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
