If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
