did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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