I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
