My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
