dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize