shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
