I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
