it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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