At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
