I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
