you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
